


What if

by Räv (Belial_Aphroditus)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24531442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belial_Aphroditus/pseuds/R%C3%A4v
Summary: Snape thinks about other possibilities.
Kudos: 5





	What if

Snape slunk down into his seat. The night was quiet, save the fire place crackle. He was too tired to read. These were the nights where he could not escape his wandering mind. Tonight’s thoughts orbited his youth and the person he was.

Snape was selfish, and he knew it. A selfish brat who wanted to keep his best friend without sacrificing the “friendships” he made with people who wanted her dead for the crime of being born. It was his greatest shame; choosing that path of blood oaths and murder.

The fear of her death (and his culpability in it) was what finally pulled him away from the Deatheaters. A choice, not even made by him, bought him groveling at Dumbledore’s feet. 

If the Dark Lord had chosen the Longbottoms, as Snape had begged him to who would he be? 

He like to think he would have worked up the nerve to leave on his own. He never held the values of the others to heart. He feared they had seen that too. But if he hadn’t before, what made him think anything would have later.

Well, Lily would always become a target. So he would have had to face reality, but would it have been in time to do any good for her, the Longbottoms or himself? The most likely answer was no. The unsettling truth is that if the Dark Lord chose the Longbottoms, he would have struck them down. Their boy would be the one who lived. Lily may have lived. She may have still died.

Most likely Snape would be where he belonged, locked away from the light that Lily may still live under.

That world would not be right. But it would feel more just. Lily raising her son without a single thought of the bastard she once called a friend. That bastard, rotting away in the darkness he still loves so much. 

Would he have memories of her? Were they tainted so bittersweet by his betrayals, the Dementors would never touch them? If not, Snape’s spirit would rot while he lived. He’d fester until the Dementors gave him a kiss, or more likely he would end it all before they could. He would throw himself to dark oblivion’s maw, letting its ragged teeth rip his chest open. A wound opening to welcome well deserved hell fire.

Snape let out a ragged sigh and then got up from his chair. He had no time to mull over what ifs. The new school year would begin in a few days, bringing Lily’s son here.


End file.
